Cats on the Rooftops
Chorus: [G]Cats on the rooftops, cats on the tiles.
[C]Cats with (syphillis;)(the clap and) cats with [G]piles.
Cats with their (faces)(arseholes) [Em]wreathed [D]in [G]smiles.
As they revel in the throes of forni-[D7]ca-[G]tion.
When you [G]wake up in the morning with the devil of a stand,
From the [C]pressure of the liquid on the seminary [G]gland
If you haven’t got a woman, use your [Em]own [D]horny [G]hand.
As you revel in the throes of mastur-[D7]ba-[G]tion.
Chorus
Regi-[G]mental Sergeant-Major leads a miserable life.
He [C]can’t afford a mistress and he doesn’t have a [G]wife,
So he puts it up the bottom of the [Em]regi-[D]mental [G]fife
And he revels in the throes of mastur-[D7]ba-[G]tion.
Chorus
When you [G]wake up in the morning with a bellyful of joy,
Mum Su-[C]perior has the rag on and the nuns are rather [G]coy.
Just ram it up the backside of the [Em]nearest [D]altar [G]boy
As you revel in a smooth ejacu-[D7]la-[G]tion.
Chorus
The [G]labours of the poofter find but little favour here,
But the [C]Sodomizing bastard has a peaceful sleep, I [G]fear,
And he dreams he rips a red ‘un up some [Em]dirty [D]urchin’s [G]rear
As he wets his bed in gay ejacu-[D7]la-[G]tion.
Chorus
[G]Little Mary Johnson will be seven next July.
She’s [C]never had a naughty, but she thought she’d like to [G]try.
So she took her daddy’s walking-stick and [Em]did it [D]on the [G]sly,
And she reveled in the throes of mastur-[D7]ba-[G]tion.
Chorus
Poor Mr. [G]Banglestein, whose morals we do doubt.
Wanders all a-[C]round with his putz a-hanging [G]out.
Whene’er he spies a wench it up and [Em]hits him [D]in the [G]snout,
And they revel in the thrills of forni-[D7]ca-[G]tion.
Chorus
The [G]crocodile is a funny animyle,
Never [C]comes but once in a [G]while.
But when he does it [Em]floods [D]the [G]Nile
And he revels in the thrills of forni-[D7]ca-[G]tion
Chorus
The [G]ostrich on the pampas is a solitary chick,
With-[C]out the opportunity to often dip his [G]wick.
But when he gets the chance, well he [Em]slips it [D]in right [G]quick,
And revels in the thrills of forni-[D7]ca-[G]tion.
Chorus
The [G]elephant is big and round.
A [C]small one weighs a thousand [G]pound.
Two together [Em]shake [D]the [G]ground
As they revel in the thrills of forni-[D7]ca-[G]tion.
Chorus
The [G]oyster is a model of purity.
And [C]you can’t tell the he from [G]she.
But he can tell and [Em]so [D]can [G]she
As they revel in the thrills of forni-[D7]ca-[G]tion.
Chorus
The [G]donkey is a lonely bloke.
He [C]hardly ever wets his [G]poke.
But when he does he [Em]lets [D]it [G]soak
As he revels in the thrills of forni-[D7]ca-[G]tion.
Chorus
The [G]hippopotamus, so it seems,
[C]Rarely ever has wet [G]dreams.
But when he does he [Em]comes [D]in [G]streams
As he revels in nocturnal cele-[D7]bra-[G]tion.
Chorus
The [G]camel likes to have his fun.
His [C]night’s complete when he is [G]done.
He always gets two [Em]humps [D]for [G]one
As he revels in the thrills of forni-[D7]ca-[G]tion.
Chorus
The [G]flea is found on the dog and cat.
And [C]there he’s known to hang his [G]hat.
The she-flea moves in-[Em]to [D]his [G]flat,
And they revel in the thrills of forni-[D7]ca-[G]tion.
Chorus
The [G]monkey’s prick is small you know,
E-[C]rect it stands an inch or so.
So when he comes it’s [Em]time [D]to [G]go
But he revels in the thrills of forni-[D7]ca-[G]tion.
Chorus
The [G]poor old dog, on his chain all day.
[C]Seldom gets a chance to [G]play.
He licks his prick in a [Em]fran-[D]tic [G]way
And he revels in the throes of mastur-[D7]ba-[G]tion.
Chorus
The [G]whale is a mammal, everybody knows.
Takes [C]two days to shag and when he’s in the [G]throes
He doesn’t take it out, just [Em]pisses [D]through his [G]nose
As he revels in the thrills of forni-[D7]ca-[G]tion.
Chorus
The [G]baboon’s rear is an eerie sight.
His [C]arsehole gleams like a neon [G]light.
And when he comes he [Em]lights [D]the [G]night
As he revels in the thrills of forni-[D7]ca-[G]tion.
Chorus
The [G]bee disportsamong the trees.
And [C]there consorts with whom he [G]please.
And fills the land with [Em]sons [D]of [G]bees
Who revel in the thrills of forni-[D7]ca-[G]tion.
Chorus
[G]Long-legged curates grind like goats.
[C]Pale faced spinsters shag like [G]stoats.
The whole damned world stands [Em]by [D]and [G]gloats
As they revel in the thrills of forni-[D7]ca-[G]tion.
Chorus
I [G]met a girl with a great rear
Who [C]gave me a dose of gonor-[G]rhea.
Fools rush in where [Em]an-[D]gels [G]fear
But I reveled in the thrills of forni-[D7]ca-[G]tion.
Chorus
A [G]lady by the seaside was feeling very blue.
She [C]saw the children at it and she thought she’d like it [G]too.
She bought three bananas -- and she [Em]ate the [D]other [G]two
While she reveled in the throes of mastur-[D7]ba-[G]tion.
Chorus
The [G]owl in the trees and the cat on the tiles;
[C]One fucks in solitude, the other fucks in [G]piles.
You can hear their yowls for [Em]miles [D]and [G]miles
When they revel in the thrills of forni-[D7]ca-[G]tion.
Chorus
The [G]poor old ant just has no fun.
His [C]work, it seems,is never [G]done.
Sometimes he crawlson the [Em]skin [D]of [G]one
Who suffers from the itch of formi-[D7]ca-[G]tion.
Chorus
A [G]thousand verses all in rhyme.
To [C]sit and sing them seems a [G]crime,
When we could better [Em]spend [D]our [G]time
Reveling in the thrills of forni-[D7]ca-[G]tion.
Chorus